The Game That Was Almost Forgotten

Cast in the shadows of other more important life events, the 2014 Penn Tower Classic Qualifier was an illustrious tournament that did not receive the news coverage that it deserved.  A homecoming of sorts, the KeyPAP clan returned to the illustrious Commonwealth of Pennsylvania to face off with the rest of the KeyPAP Tour for the right to compete in 2014's version of the most grueling tournament ever conceived - the Penn Tower Classic.  There were no crowds or reporters for this round of golf, but the talent level on display for the KeyPAP Tour's Penn Tower Classic Qualifier was evident yet again.

With three months for the competitors to recoup their mental faculties after the hellacious 2013 Penn Tower Classic, Beebles, Dr. Funk, Smits, and Fez took to the 4 star Toftrees Golf Club in State College, Pennslvania in hopes of continuing their dominance as the top foursome on the KeyPAP Tour.  The right to compete in the 2014 version of the Penn Tower Classic was up for the taking and no one wanted to let their chance at getting their name engraved on the PTC championship trophy slip away.

Fez came to the Qualifier with a chip on his shoulder after finishing last in this summer's Penn Tower Classic.  He took an early lead at #1 and stood atop the leaderboard for most of the day.  However, his actions at the previous KeyPAP meeting where he fell asleep during 2013 KeyPAP Band of the Year Big Feast's performance for the ages, he incurred a vicious punishment:  he would be subject to unlimited heckling from all other competitors while playing the final hole.  This punishment proved to be fatal as Dr. Funk unnerved Fez during each shot on #18.

While Fez took great strides to prove his worth on the KeyPAP Tour after a last place finish at the 2013 PTC, another competitor's stock plummeted.

It is well known that Drake started from the bottom now he here.  In polar opposite fashion, Beebles fell from his vulnerable position atop the KeyPAP Tour to the depths of complete and utter despair at this year's Qualifier.  He started the day in fourth place behind Fez, Dr. Funk, and Smits and stayed there for the remainder of the day without even threatening for a third place finish.  In fact, the 2013 El Campeon barely qualified for the 2014 Penn Tower Classic!  Three straight shots into the pond off the tee at #9 sealed his fate before he even got to the turn.  But be on the lookout for a rebound next summer at the 2014 PTC:  predators are most dangerous when wounded, and this cat sure doesn't like the taste of defeat.

Smits played much the same in the Qualifier as he did in at the 2013 PTC.  Inconsistent with an impressive birdie and several pars but also holes in excess of triple bogey.  But he stayed in the hunt long enough to take the lead at #17.  After hitting his best tee shot of the day to start #18 and the green jacket a few strokes away, however, he became more jittery than a junebug in a hen house.  He sailed his second shot over the green and onto the unforgiving mulch.  Several unsuccessful chip shots later he finally managed to get the ball onto the green, but by then it was too late to salvage his grasp on the lead.

Despite being down two strokes heading onto the tee at #18 and hooking his tee shot into the woods, Dr. Funk took a drop ball and placed a tremendous iron shot on the green for his third stroke while Smits faltered in the mulch.  With a crisp 2-putt he stood alone atop the leaderboard for the only time that day.  But he managed to do it at the only time that mattered:  the end.

With no one there to fully chronicle the five hours of elite athleticism and mental strain which took place at the PTCQ, we are only left with pictures.  Fear not, dear reader; though you won't be able to relive the experience of this event like you did the 2013 PTC, the pictures are as striking, graceful, and savage as a mountain lion.

Smits, Beebles, and Dr. Funk fuel themselves with Old Forge pizza and Busch Light prior to traveling to the PTCQ.

Fez ropes one onto the center of the fairway at #2.

An immaculate display of pure strength by Dr. Funk.  Notice the whip he creates in the shaft of his driver just before impact.

Beebles makes up for his sliced iron shot with a beautiful pitch onto the center of the green.

With unbreakable concentration, Fez lines up his putt.

Smits almost gets a hole-in-one at #3.  He went on to sink the birdie putt.

Despite being in questionable physical condition for this Qualifier, Fez led the tournament for most of the day.  Here we see his paunch in full display while waiting for the green to clear.

Smits coils back just before striking this tee shot at the dogleg left #5.

In this sequence, Beebles lines up and hits a lengthy putt.  Mere inches from a birdie against all odds, all he can do is laugh at how close he came.

Smits with a picture perfect follow through on this narrow tee shot through the woods.

Dr. Funk tees off at the picturesque #8.

Beebles crushes this tee shot into the night sky.

Beebles falters off the tee at #9.  Three times in a row he put his tee shot into the pond before he managed to put stroke number 7 across and onto the fairway.  He tries to laugh it off, but his body language confirmed that he was really crying on the inside.

Dr. Funk with an immaculate iron shot on #18.  This shot put him on the green and allowed him to overtake Smits on the last hole for the green jacket and #1 ranking on the KeyPAP Tour.